Thursday, September 04, 2003

Them Laws

I have several friends that live in Houston now, that are originally from other parts of the world. Because of them, I realize that there are certain phrases and terms in the Houstonian/Southside dialect that will make some non-natives pause and try to understand the meaning…

Say Dave??
Wassup?
What’s up with ya’ll Houston brothers?
What do you mean?
Why do ya’ll call the police, the ‘laws’??
(smiling) What’s wrong with that??
C’mon now..I’ve heard ‘cops’ and ‘po-po’s’..but ‘them laws’?? That sounds crazy!!
Naww, its not that crazy, you’ve got to realize that this IS Texas.
So?
A lot of the brother’s here have just as many (if not more) guns as the police, so when ‘them laws run up on the scene’, most brothers aren’t scared of the guns the police have, but they ARE respectful of the ‘laws’ that are behind them. Texas is the ‘hang em high’ state, its definitely not a place you want to be in if you’re going to commit a felony.
But ‘laws’ though?? How about just ‘officer’?
Naah..some brother’s feel like ’officer’ sounds a bit too much like ‘overseer’.
Whatever man..sometimes I feel like ya’ll are stuck in the past down here.
Maybe..but as backward as we may seem, ya'll ‘Yankees’ sure do seem to enjoy our mild winters, no state income tax and bar-b-que.
Word! (laughing)
Just make sure you stay on the up and up while you’re here bruh, these Texas laws ain’t no punk…


In the past November 2002 elections ,Texas as a state, voted for a more conservative agenda in the way things are done. This past Monday was the first day a lot of these laws were put into effect. Any person can review these new laws online at http://www.capitol.state.tx.us/tlo/reports/daily/78R/eff0901.htm I’ve attempted to go through and highlight a few of these new laws (and include a bit of my own commentary), but I definitely encourage all Texans to browse through the listings by title and description for themselves.

House Bill #85: relates to the establishment of an undergraduate medical academy at Prairie View A&M University.

Southside Translation: Mane..now we can go to P.V. and study up to be DOCTORS, that way, we can write our OWN ‘scrips!!

House Bill #1592: relating to the establishment of the offense of performing surgery while intoxicated. (state jail felony)

(Hiccup) Why yes..er..Mister..(hiccup) Mister Trahan sir, (hiccup) we’re going to fix that cervix of yours right up in a.. (hiccup..) jiffy! Don’t you worry!!

House Bill #2126: relating to the manner of payment of child support to a local registry. (f) a local registry may accept child support payments made by credit card, debit card, or automatic teller machine card.

Nah!! That ol' sorry deadbeat ain’t got NO excuse about why the child support payment ain’t in..they even take CREDIT CARDS now!!

House Bill #2156: Relating to the size of containers for certain alcoholic beverages. No person may import, sell or posses with intent to sell any liquor in a container with a capacity of less than 20 milliliters.

Aww man, now I can only buy those little ‘bumps’ of liquor on airplanes!

House Bill #778: relating to the offense of interference with an emergency telephone call. Any peace officer may arrest, without warrant: (5) persons who the peace officer has probable cause to believe have prevented or interfered with an individual’s ability to place a telephone call in an emergency, as defined by Section 42.062(d), Penal Cod, if the offense is not committed in the presence of the peace officer.

Ma’am, we received a 911 call from this residence..is there a problem?
Hell yeah there was a problem!! This crazy n’ga was trying to HURT me..and he pulled the phone cord out the wall when I dialed 911!!
Where is he now??
He’s back there in the room crying and listening to his B.B King records..
Are you okay?
Yeah..I’m okay, but the thrill is DEFINITELY gone!!
Stand aside ma’am, we’re going to have to take him into custody..


Senate Bill #1942: Southwest Texas State University is now Texas State University – San Marcos

It doesn’t matter WHAT they call it, it’s still a big time party school!!

House Bill #470: Relating to the labeling, advertising, and sale of halal foods; providing a criminal penalty. Halal as applied to food, means food prepared and served in conformity with Islamic religious requirements according to a recognized Islamic authority.

Uh ohhh..somebody’s been slipping some ham in the falafel!!

Whot iz thees?? Thees doesn’t TASTE like lamb…

House Bill #148: relating to the prohibition of the manufacture, sale, or POSSESSION of a counterfeit disabled parking placard.

Oooh, I’m running late and there aren’t any parking spots…hmm

House Bill 15: This new law (which goes into effect in January) requires all women seeking an abortion to receive information and counseling regarding fetal development and then wait 24 hours before an abortion can be performed.

I think this strengthens both the pro-life and pro-choice agendas.

Senate Bill 83: requires students to say the pledge of allegiance to both the United States and Texas flags as well as observe one minute of silence.

Those parents who are tripping about their kids being mandated to make a pledge to ‘one nation, under GOD’ can have their child exempted.

Senate Bill 7:known as the Defense of Marriage Act, prevents same-sex marriages performed in other states from being recognized in Texas.

This isn’t the last we’re going to hear about this one, I’m sure.

House Bill 1: A large contingency of low income children previously covered by the Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP) will lose the following benefits effective this past Monday: dental, hearing aids, hospice, mental health, substance abuse treatment, vision and chiropractic care.

Seems like whenever budget cuts are necessary, the poor and underprivileged are the first one’s effected. Texas already leads the nation in uninsured children and that number just went up.

Senate Bill # 45: relating to the operation of a motor vehicle while intoxicated with a child passenger in the vehicle. new law creates a state jail felony for intoxicated drivers who have a child 15 years or younger in the car.

Along with this is a law that increases the surcharges and fines for 1st,and 2nd time DWI offenders. Failure to pay these surcharges will result in the revocation of driver’s license. A lot of the ‘social’ drinkers disagree with the minimum legal limits for the blood alcohol level, but I’m one ‘social’ drinker that’s all in favor of these stricter laws. Texas leads the nation in alcohol related traffic deaths and stricter laws will hopefully serve as a greater deterrent. Get a cab, ride with a friend, or sleep it off..

Uhh, Ms. Beasley?
Yes?
Uhh..your husband is really not in any condition to drive home, so we’re going to let him sleep on the couch over here.
Naw..I’ll come over there and get his drunk az right now!!

Senate Bill #193: relating to vehicles passing certain stationary emergency vehicles on a highway; providing penalty

This law was made to protect emergency vehicle operators (police, ambulance, DPS, etc.) who are injured by passing motorists, while making stops on the highway. When we see an emergency vehicle with its lights flashing on the side of the road, we’re supposed to slow down (20 mph less than the posted speed) and get in the farthest lane as possible away from the emergency vehicle.

The beginning of this month brought in the enactment of 725 new state laws, that are noticeably characterized by the first Republican dominated session in years. For those new laws that you just don’t like at all, there are always measures to be taken in the political process to make sure your voice is heard. VOTING is the obvious action of opinion and those people who don’t even exercise their right to vote really don’t have much of an argument. If you’re not a registered voter yet, you can just clink on the link on this page “Register To Vote” and GET registered (if you’re eligible). And remember, ignorance is NOT a justifiable excuse for breaking the law.

Aww Mr. Policeman..(whining) I didn’t KNOW I was supposed to slow down!!
(writing a ticket) Well..you KNOW now.

Ya’ll watch out for them laws.

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