[Group Therapy Session..joined in progress..]
Hello..my name is Earl and I have a problem.
(group in unison) Hello Earl!!
(sighing) I’ve been a Fantasy Football Freak for the past 3 years…
(group) We love you Earl!!!
I recently sat down and added up the time I spend every week watching football on TV (including sports news and shows), making or just talking about trades on the phone with the other guys in my league, on the computer surfing fantasy football information, sending/receiving emails about fantasy, listening to sports talk radio, etc…
(group) We STILL love you Earl!!
The tally quickly surpassed over 50 hours a week…
(group silence) Everybody just stared at each other with their mouths open in amazement….
Some guy in the back yelled out..”Dammit Earl!!”
Then I heard mumblings and somebody whisper, but not too quietly, “This guy really IS a freak..”
Fantasy football is well past the point of being a ‘fad’. Fads are passing fancies of popular culture, fantasy football has been around for years and it is steadily growing in popularity and exposure. Every major magazine stand has a full selection of fantasy football material, fantasy football leagues on the Internet are growing almost exponentially each year and we’re only at the tip of the iceberg of fantasy ‘potentials’. What most non-fantasy players fail to realize, is that the Fantasy Football Freak (FF Freak) didn’t suddenly change into a FF Freak overnight, the ingredients were always there, it was just a matter of time before it ‘came out’. To understand the addiction, we must examine the components of the ‘problem’:
Fantasy: Say what they want, nearly every man has at some point fantasized of being a star professional athlete. Whether playing in a sandlot football game or watching it on TV, the life of being in top physical condition, rich and famous is a position in life that ALL would want to experience..at least one day. Some of us realized at an early age, that our lack of speed, size, durability and/or strength would always prevent us from EVER stepping on a professional football field in a playing capacity. He who loves the game, but can’t play the game, usually coaches or manages. Early FF Freak indicators are: ownership (current or past) of one of those electric football games with the vibrating board and plastic players; hand blisters from playing that first arcade football game with the x’s and o’s and hand rollers; Tecmo Bowl video game. If a guy has one (or all three) of these things in his past? You already know he has that ‘potential’.
Football: There are millions of arm chair quarterbacks (QB)..
“Pass it to the tight end dumbaz..he’s open!! Kordell sucks, I can QB better than him!”
Arm chair coaches,..
“What the hell?? Why aren’t they kicking the field goal?? Martz is an idiot!”
And arm chair General Managers (GM)..
“They cut Milloy?? That’s a dumb move that’s going to HURT them!”
Fantasy Football is the closest thing to being a real NFL GM/Coach that the average man will ever see. Once a group of guys (anywhere from 8-14) get together to form a league, then they have a draft. At the draft, each GM/Team Owner, takes turns selecting real NFL players. Each week, each team has to play a certain combination of its drafted players (i.e. 1QB, 2RB, 2 WR, 1TE, 1Kicker, 1 Defense), and whatever the real players do on the field (Touchdowns scored, yards gained, field goals kicked etc.) is accumulated into the team score. Highest score wins each week. The strategy comes in with deciding what players to put in the lineup each week, making trades with other owners and picking up players from the free agent pool. And just like real football, when a player gets hurt and can’t play, he can’t play in fantasy either. What a great game!!
Freaks: Of course, freaks come in all different sizes and colors (but what I like about them most is that they’re real good lovers :). The guys you see in the stands of a football game in Buffalo, in the middle of December when its 10 below and snowing, and all they’re wearing is body paint and a wig, screaming ‘WOOO-HOOOOO!!!’ at the top of their lungs or the Raider Fan at Oakland Coliseum, that looks like he just left a KISS concert with the entire cast from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, these are the freaks I’m referring to. You’ve got to keep an eye on these guys, because they really don’t give a d’mn about what people think, they’re just enjoying the game..freak style.
Fantasy football brings out the freak in everybody..because whatever the indulgence preference (Stats, Competition, $$$, Trend Tracking, Talking Big Smack, etc), its readily available to freak out on. Some people play just to draft all the players from their favorite NFL team and dress out in full gear so that they can incite the crowd at the local sports bar, others strictly play in the big money leagues looking to gain a financial return on their time investment. No matter the motive, the number of FF Freaks is well into the millions and growing. From the ‘old-school’ guys who still take stats by hand (funny) to the high tech cyber dynasty keeper leagues that have wireless alerts sent to their two-ways for each breaking update, it’s a fun thing to do. You can discern FF Freaks by that nervous twitch of anticipation they start developing on Saturday’s..and that ‘look’ in their eyes they have on Sunday’s before kickoff. Football isn’t the only fantasy sport either, there’s also fantasy basketball, baseball, golf, car racing, bowling,etc. Fantasy has also transcended gender barriers, as a larger proportion of new female recruits are sweeping through the leagues. Of course, females make the best FF Freaks, they scream the highest. Watch out for those freaks ya’ll..it's highly contagious. WOO-HOOOO!!!!!
Big shot out to The Ultimate Players Club (aka ‘The Dirty Dozen’), the freshest fantasy football league on the planet.
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