Saturday, July 24, 2004

It Takes Two To Make a Thing Go Right


I received a lot of comments after I posted Marital Bliss on March 12, 2004. Most of the responders were other married people who were interested in discussing the topic further. Others were soon to be married people eager to hear more. I didn’t want to mislead people into thinking my wife and I are always in a blissful state of euphoria. I married a Southside Christian woman, one of them cheerleaders from Worthing..mmhmm. She’s a beautiful woman who you will often find smiling or laughing whenever you see her. But don’t let that smile fool ya, she WILL clown a n’ga if he comes home at 430 in the morning from playing dominoes.
She had one of those cold glares of disgust on her face as I walked in the house. Like most husbands coming in at 5 o’clock in the morning, I had a feigned look of confusion on my face, kinda like,


What are you tripping about??



You KNOW what I’m ‘tripping’ about! You see what time it is!!



If you were so worried, why didn’t you just call me on my cell phone??



That’s not the POINT..this is too late an hour for a married man to be keeping.



It’s not like I do it regularly.



How would you feel if I came home at 4:30 am??



(pause and think..that’s an EASY answer!) You don’t play dominoes though..



N'ga!! You know damn well this ain’t got nothing to do with dominoes!!!



Fellas, if you ever happen to find yourself in this situation, a lot of how you handle this will depend on how you handle your business. Does ALL of your paycheck make it to the house every pay period? Are you at home taking care of your family diligently? When your wife is in need for some sexual healing, are you taking care of that thang? Does your wife feel that you love her and only her? These are some important questions to answer, because if anyone of those answers are ‘no’ or ‘kinda’?? You’re subject to be dealing with an emotional woman who feels a bit disrespected and neglected and ya’ll already know that hell hath no fury as a woman scorned. That’s not from the Bible, but rather Shakespeare, but it hits true quite often. It is times like these that you will find yourself searching for the ties that bind you together. Why the hell did we get married?



Because we had a baby together. BONG! That’s still a common one on the Southside and for those who based their vows solely on the fact that they were pregnant or had a child(ren) with the person they were marrying, it’s usually just a matter of time before serious problems start arising. Because instead of pure love and commitment, they based their marriage on dutiful responsibility. A noble gesture, especially when you consider the advantages of raising a child in a 2-parent household, but it’s still not nearly enough to be happily ever after.



He/She was cute and fine! BONG! If you get caught up on that outer shell and don’t get down into that heart and soul, you’re not going to be able to make it for the long haul. Because no matter how fine a person is, once you put years on it, it’s only a matter of time before gravity starts taking over. Some people lose teeth, or gain a lot of weight..are you going to divorce them then? Because no matter what, there will always be superfine 25 year old’s in the world, are you going to trade your 40 year old spouse in for 2- 20’s? Physical attraction is definitely a good thing, but in no way is it the end all to be all, you need more.



We’ve been dating for X years, so we decided we might as well get married, especially since she was going to start dating other n’gas if I didn’t step up. BONG! That full court press move is a hard one for a lot of men to deal with. All the indecision they had about getting married is erased when they’re faced with the possibility of their gal being boned by another dude. Sorry to be so crude, but that’s what it comes down to for guys. If you make a guy put the image of his ex-gal who leaves him because he didn’t want to marry her, having sex with another man..and she’s liking it.. A LOT, it’s too disturbing of an image for most men to handle.



So what is it? What is that magic secret for marital bliss?? And how the hell does a n’ga who has the gall to come home at 5am from a dominoe game know?? My wife and I attended a Christian based marriage seminar as a gift from her sister and her husband a couple of years ago. I was a bit leery at first, because I wasn’t one to let strangers ‘all in my business’ like that. But the large group setting, personal privacy and the blueprint it laid out for God’s plan for marriage has really helped us better communicate with each other to reach our ideal state of ‘oneness’. 99% of all marital problems start with communication breakdowns. Small irritations grows to full dread if unattended and before you know it, you realize that you don’t like the person that you’re married to and guess what? They don’t like you either!



The problems come up because everybody enters marriage with their own picture in their mind of how married life is supposed to be. A lot of this is inherently learned by how they were raised and how they saw their parents interact with each other. But the deal is, no matter what you THINK your marriage is going to be like before you get married, it’s going to be a lot different than anything you imagined once you get IN to it. And no matter the problems you deal with, financial problems, trust problems, respect issues, intimacy problems, the list is long, at some point if you want the marriage to work, both parties are going to have to find a place to meet on mutual ground. Frequent threats to leave or get a divorce don’t help. All they do is reinforce the one-foot in one foot out problem of lack of commitment. Because no matter what anybody tells you, marriage is not a 50-50 venture. If you want a marriage to be strong and prosperous, there must be a 100%-100% commitment on both sides. Working together as one. It is this path of oneness that all happily married couples strive for daily. Because no matter how big your house is or how well stocked your portfolio and assets are, if your home life is unsatisfying, then you will never be completely happy with your life. That’s when a lot of Christians just lean on Jesus and ride it on out, even through the rough times.



Don’t front ya’ll, Jesus has saved many marriages, I’ve SEEN it happen. Because when a person can focus on the sacrifice and love of the Christ, it makes the Christian spouse more eager to forgive their alcoholic wife or their verbally/physically abusive husband. It’s tight ya’ll, it’s some REAL life issues people are dealing with and you’re going to have to lean on SOMEthing to make it through this world. You can’t do it alone mane. I mean, you can DO it, but you ain’t go be DOING it..ya feel me?



Welcome to all the new visitors to servinemup.com. What you see here is another Southside brother working the block and paying his dues. I’m in the process of writing and self-publishing my first book and servinemup.com is my chance to work on my game. I’m so glad you came to support and check out what D.E. Washington is talking about. If you like what you read, pass on the link to someone you know.



When I crawl through the web I can see browsers turning,

I hear voices saying, ‘That’s D. servin’

Jesus died for me, and forgave me for my sins,

You know what? It feels good my friend.




That’s how a Southside Christian writer ‘jacks’ an EPMD lyric "You're a Customer", screws it up and makes it bang off the paper. Don’t trip, it ain’t flossin if ya got it. Ops! Holeup! Here goes the extended 'It Takes Two' re-mix.....


So the question then comes up, when is it time to get OUT of a marriage??



He/She got a baby on the way for/by some other woman/dude!! Uhh..well, yeah, the Bible says you can divorce an adulterous spouse..but you don’t HAVE to. If you believe in true repentance and forgiveness, you can chalk it up to the game and move on. But when you consider the added issue of health and various STD’s circulating around, cheating spouses are a step closer to criminal minded folks. Because those who put their spouses ‘out there’ in 2004? That’s very foul mane, fo-real. It’s crucial now mane, to the order of life or death. Protect your house mane..from criminals and STD's.

He/She hit me!! I have a personal way of looking at domestic violence. I find it rather repulsive, but very real. I guess since I didn’t grow up in a household of domestic violence, but I did catch glimpses of it peripherally, I always knew it was something I never wanted to have in my house. Because when two people who live with each other and have professed to love each other before God and man, get to the point where they are abusive (verbally and physically) towards each other, I think that’s a time for both parties to step back and really assess what you’re trying to accomplish in this relationship. When your life is shrouded by the fear, pain and anger that are born out of domestic violence…that’s not enjoying life.

The best thing I can tell ya, is to follow the hook that Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock sampled from Lyn Collins' song, Think (About it); ”It takes two to make a thing go right.” You can’t make a grown person do shit, so unless you get together and work it out, it’s not gonna happen. Christians have a Savior to lean on and guide them through the valleys of loneliness and despair..what about you?