I always used to wonder what it REALLY felt like to be dead. Most people that die have a pretty good forewarning that they were about to die. Cancer, Heart Disease, AIDS and even old age.
But what about those people who didn’t have a warning? The people who expected that they had the rest of their lives to live…or at least more.
The people who are killed in car accidents…or the people who are victims of homicide…an unexpected out of the blue heart condition…tumor…terrorist attack fatality. Weren’t they surprised to DEATH just by the sheer THOUGHT of their time being up?
They say that if a person jumped from the top of the Empire State Building, they would be dead before they hit the ground…massive heart attack.
At what point do you really die? At what point does the cognizant mind and thought and soul that you have now give way to that next level? How long will it be before you even REALIZE that you’re in that next level? Will it just be black and dark? Will I see my Grandma Bessie? Will I know what my daughter is doing after I’m gone? Will I know how long I have to wait before I see her again? Will I be able to talk to God IMMEDIATELY?! Will I be able to avenge my death? How long til the world is destroyed by fire? What are my grandchildren going to be like? Was I saving too much money that I would never be able to use? Did I have enough life insurance?
I’ll be at the gate giving St. Peter the BLUES with all my questions! Pretty soon he’d probably just get pissed off and say, ‘Go on in and ask Him yourself!’
The first brush with death that I can remember was in the bathtub. I was of the age where my parents let me take a bath by myself. Of course NO kids just get in there and bathe and get out.I was in that mf doing what ANY boy small enough to be able to fit in the tub with your head touching one side and your feet touching the other..stretched out.. I was playing Aquaman. In my head I went through a whole episode of being Aquaman and saving the world.
I had to tone it down a bit cuz my mama had already whupped my AZ before for splashing water all out on the bathroom floor and rug. But I was doing my famous Aquaman swirl move where I went under water and did the 360 spin..underwater holding my breath the whole time. For a n’ga that couldn’t swim..this was a big accomplishment. But as I was turning and my face was facing the ceiling..but still underwater.. a vicious air bubble went up my nose into my brain and I panicked and opened my mouth..bad move. All I got was a LUNGfull of water. Soapy water. And everytime I tried to catch my breath…it wasn’t there…Oh no!!! I’m about to drown in my own bathtub!! I couldn’t scream….I couldn’t breathe..I felt nauseous and I could feel my bowels loosening…I was REALLY about to die..or so I thought. After the 4th heave..which seemed like an eternity..a sliver of air came in with the water… I threw up the water..and the remnants of my undigested dinner into the tub. My breathing patterns slowly returned to normal…my heart gradually started beating slower…
Mama: "David Washington!!!!! It’s time to stop that playing and come on out of that tub!!!!!"
I paused for a second and smiled…the sound of my mother’s (steadily growing pissed off) voice was the most beautiful thing that I had ever heard….
D: (weakly..but thankful) "yes ma’am."
In that split second my 7 year old life had QUICKLY passed before my eyes. I remembered all my favorite Christmas toys…my worst whuppings..and all the people I knew in my life. The ONE comforting thought that I had amid that swirl of emotions was that of me being rewarded for being a good person. Fighting the good fight against the evils of the world. I was going to Heaven and with that feeling my soul had braced itself for the next step. Now if somebody would have walked into the bathroom to see a 7 year old black boy sitting in a tub with vomit in the water, smiling, they’d have taken me away immediately. But I sat there smiling just enjoying being ALIVE. Appreciating this life that God has given me for this short period of time. Tomorrow is promised to no one..you have to always be ready.
