When’s the last time you’ve been on an airplane?
Airplane? Man, I don’t even ride on roller coasters!! So you know I’m not about to get on an airplane!! If God wanted me to fly, He would have given me wings. Why do you ask?
Well, I’m getting pretty tired of commercial flying myself. Since the attacks on 9/11, it’s not as simple as it used to be.
What’s different?
First of all…you need to check in for your flight at least an hour ahead of time.
Why so early?
Because once you get to the airport, you have to have time to get through all of the security clearances.
What do they do?
Well..if you have check-in luggage, you have to check it in.
What’s ‘check-in’ luggage?
All the things that can’t fit under the seat or in an overhead storage bin on the plane.
Oh. How do you check it in??
You can check it in with the skycaps outside on the curb, or you can check your bags inside the terminal at the ticket counters.
What’s the difference?
Usually it’s quicker to do the curbside check-in. Once you get your boarding pass, you have to put your carry-on bags on this conveyor belt to be x-rayed. Then you have to take your shoes off before you walk through the metal detector.
Take your shoes off??!!
Yeah mane…everybody has to take their shoes off.
Why??
Some dude got on a plane and threatened to detonate some explosives that he had hidden in the soles of his shoes sometime after the World Trade center attacks and now that’s just a new ‘safety’ measure they’ve added to detect potential terrorists.
Wow. I didn’t realize it was like that.
Yeah..all that stuff made the level of security increase dramatically, now we all have to be under more intense scrutiny. And if you DO fly, make sure you don’t try to crack any jokes or anything while you’re passing through. Those airport screeners don’t have much of a sense of humor.
They can’t arrest you for cracking jokes!!
No..but if you try to be ‘funny’ saying stuff like ‘I hope ya’ll don’t find that bomb I hid in my bag’, they’re going to snatch your az out of line and take you over to the ‘hand-check’ area and go through all of your stuff INTENSELY.
You mean like a body cavity search or something?
I don’t know about the cavity search thing, but I’ve had to be hand searched a couple of times. They frisked me, made me take off my belt, they’ve even wiped all of my stuff down with these patches that detects bomb-making chemicals.
D’mn! They’re not playing around huh?
Not at all.
One of the traveling maxims that I always try to follow, is to travel as light as possible. The more bags you have, the more it will slow you down. Ideally, I prefer carry-on items only. The whole process of baggage check-in and luggage retrieval at the baggage claim carousel adds time and hassle to any trip. This same principle can also be applied to personal relationships. When two people are attracted to each other and decide to try and build a relationship together, the whole process can be considered the same as taking a flight. And just like taking a flight, there are certain procedures that need to be followed to ensure safe and enjoyable trip.
Itinerary: This is the schedule that everyone has before they leave on their trip. It really helps if both parties have the same destination. Big problems can occur if you get well into the trip and realize that you’re heading in completely different directions…
Exactly where do you see this relationship going?
What??
We’ve been dating for several months now and I just want to know where you see us heading?
This is a common crossroads that all relationships reach. Where one may be looking for a long-term commitment, the other may just be looking for a good time. Of course there’s nothing wrong with either motive, the key factor is honest communication to ensure that everyone is on the same page.
Baggage Check-In: After the itineraries are prepared and deemed compatible, then comes the baggage check. This is where all past issues, problems and special situations are brought to the table and checked in for stowage. They don’t go away, they’re just ‘checked’ for logistical purposes. Some people bring piles of luggage that they’ve held on to since childhood. Bags of personal problems and hang-ups that they continue to hang on to. Of course everybody has their own ‘issues’, but once again the key objective at this point is honesty…
You know I can’t work.
Why not?
I hurt my back several years ago and I’m on lifetime disability.
Oh really? Do you get any type of compensation for your injury?
Yeah, I’ve got a lifetime injury settlement, as well as full retirement benefits when I turn 62.
You hurt your back, but are all of your parts below your waist ‘functioning’?
Oh yeah! Its JUST my back that I hurt, not anything below it!
Oh okay..that’s cool. I can deal with that.
The worst thing to potentially happen at this stage is the ‘okey-doke’ move. Some people conceal all of the luggage they’re bringing to the table. This may work initially, but rest assured somewhere along the trip, the luggage will show up and its going to have to be dealt with.
Security Clearance: With all of the things going on in 2003, its important that both parties pass through some form of screening process. Everybody may ‘talk’ a good game, but you’ll never really know each other until the paperwork is checked, carry-ons are x-rayed, and each person passes through the fraud detector…
(BEEEP) Excuse me sir..you’ve set off the fraud detector.
Fraud detector??
Yes sir. It seems you’ve just been acting like a ‘baller’. You're really up to your ears in debt, you live with your mother, you don’t work and you have 3 kids by 3 different women that you’ve been concealing from your companion.
Oh how embarrassing these moments of truth can be. With all of the crazy things going on in 2003, its always best to do a full exchange of paperwork before boarding the plane. Some people prefer to sneak their issues and hidden agendas onboard and then bring them out mid-flight and pull the ol, ‘Well, we’re up here now..you’re just going to have to deal with it.’ Of course this is an obvious ‘janky’ move, but it’s a common tactic that all need to be wary of. The goal is for all is to have a safe and enjoyable trip. Some people prefer to travel alone, others are patiently waiting for their ideal mate. Compatibility is key, those who prefer the window seat should pair up with those who like the aisle. Talkers should be with listeners and everyone should make sure they have on clean socks that don’t have any holes in them. Have a nice trip!! :)
