Sunday, October 05, 2003

Woo Wooo!!

Tonight’s meeting for the Southside Civic Club will come to order! (gavel hitting the table) Ya’ll all need to sit yo black az’s down and shut up! (sorry about that curse word Reverend Janky, these n‘gas only listen when you talk crazy to them)

Oh..that’s quite alright Brother…sometimes we all just need to release them demons OUT of our body. I let some out myself every day.

We’ve called this emergency meeting because a lot of home and business owners have been complaining about these loud cars in the neighborhood driving by with all that ‘Woo Woo’ foolishness. Reverend Janky has agreed to preside over this meeting and hopefully lend us some guidance on how to handle this problem, since them laws say they can’t do nothing about it.

(somebody yelling out from the crowd) What the hell is that ‘Woo Woo’!??

For those of ya’ll who don’t know about that ‘Woo Woo‘, Ms. Fuclanda Andrews has brought a videotape from a news story in another community that has been going through this same problem. Ms. Fucla? Go head and start the tape in the VCR right here up front please.

Woo Woo (<<<---Click on this link and 'view' the videotape)


(When the tape ends, half the room starts laughing, yelling and slapping high fives, the other half gets mad upset and ready to fight..needless to say, this is a spirited issue on the Southside)

Okay! Okay!! Calm down!! Everybody CALM DOWN!! We’re not going to get ANYthing accomplished if everybody is going to sit up here and yell and scream and act like a d’mn fool!! There’s a microphone in the front aisle way..if you have something to SAY, get in line and wait your..HEY!! No pushing!! Ya’ll just knocked down a 70 year old woman to the floor!!! Take your TIME!! Everybody will get a chance to say their piece..D’MN! (turning around to whisper to Rev. Janky) You SEE why I asked you to come?? This is about to get out of hand.

(standing up with his Bible in his hand and smiling) Don’t worry Brother..I came fully prepared to handle this.

You’re going to put God’s Word on them??

I’m gonna try..but if that doesn’t work, I keep my pistol in my pocket for them ignant n'gas. (stepping up to the podium) My Lawd..what a nice turnout we have here tonight. If I could get all this spirit into the chuch on Sunday mownings, we could REALLY praise the Lawd! Now we go try and do this the fair way..so everybody can be heard. When you get up to the microphone, say your name and speak your peace and move on. Ain’t go be no arguing back and forth and name calling…just say what you got to say and move on. That beautiful young fine sister in the canary yellow cat suit…my Lawd, you sure are blessed…go head and say your piece sister.

My name is Dashonda and I’m representin that Blueridge...

(screams from the crowd) SOUTHSIDE! SA FOOLS IN THE HIZ-OUSE! TREY WARD!!! ITS ALL ABOUT THAT CLOVER!!! SUGAR VALLEY PLAYERS!! SCREWED UP CLICK MANE!!!

HEYYYY!! HEY now!! I just told ya’ll n'gas not to be yellin and screaming out all that bullsh’t! Don’t NOBODY care what gang or hood you’re from, this is some serius BIZNESS here..so if you can’t keep your mouth shut, we got 10 laws parked outside waiting to run n'gas numbers if they start clownin’. I’m sure most of ya’ll got warrants out anyway, so unless you want to take a free ride downtown to the police station, you needs to chill.

(it got so quiet you could hear crickets outside)

Nah! That’s what I thought! Now go ahead Sis. Dabooty

Dashonda!

Oh..yeah, I’m sorry..my my, you sure are blessed..go ahead Sis Dashonda…

I do hurr for a livin in my momma’s garage and somebody need to be doin something about all this Woo-Woo noise! Cuz its disturbing me and its disturbing my customers.

Okay..point well taken..now before we go any further..by a show of hands, how many people in here have that ‘Woo-Woo’ on their cars??

(Nobody raised their hands)

Wait a minute now..I KNOW somebody must have it??!!

(Everybody was looking around the room, nobody raised their hand)

Well, WHY are ya’ll here then?

I just came for the free fried chicken they have at the meetings.
Me too. Un huh..me too! And ME!! Where that chicken at?? I want mine HOT out the grease! I came cuz I saw ol girl walking in here with that cat suit! Me too!!

Alright..alright..we’re not going to be able to get anything done if the people who HAVE it aren’t here..ya’ll need to get THEM together and have them come to the next meeting. When’s the next meeting brother?

We meet once a month.

Alright..well I’ll see ya’ll next month. If there’s not anything else to discuss, I guess you can go get your chick..…HEYY!! Ya’ll already knocked over an old lady, now you just pushed that man out of his wheelchair!! Slow down! Its enough fried chicken for everybody!! I hope…

As each generation grows older, there are always gaps of understanding that comes with the changing times. When I was a child, the ‘cool’ guys always cleaned their cars up till they were SPARKLING, then drove around the neighborhood real slow ‘creepin’, while they had the seats tilted so far back you could barely see who’s driving. The bass in their sound system was ‘bumpin’ so loud, it would make house windows rattle as the cars passed by. Other places and times were the opposite, speed was ‘cool’ and if you weren’t peeling rubber on the pavement, you wasn’t making any REAL noise. Cities have laws concerning ‘disturbing the peace’ which seek to protect the right of private citizens to enjoy peace and quiet in their own homes. A lot of people feel like THEIR rights fully entitle them to ‘bump’ in their rides whenever THEY want to. Since we’re all breathing the same air, we must also share this same medium for sound. Too often nothing can be done by these sound intruders with their booming system’s and their cars that go ‘Woo-Wooo!’ but there is justice in the end. People that constantly subject their eardrums to high levels of sound (measured in decibels, dB) without using earplugs, are PRIME candidates to having hearing problems as they grow older. It might take awhile before it shows up, but that ‘ringing’ noise in their ears will soon let them know that they need to turn the volume down. Some are going to just be ignant with it and as their hearing starts to fail, they’ll just turn the music louder. Others will become afraid of the reality of having to wear a hearing aid just to hear a normal conversation and they’ll turn it down a notch or two. Today’s technology allows hearing aids to be virtually undetectable to the public‘s eye. But if someone happens to notice the little plastic ‘bug’ in your ear, just tell them what Bubb Rubb and Lil Sis said, ‘That’s only fo decoration mane!..WOO-WOOO!!”




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