Somewhere in the midst of today’s cyber-age pornography, music videos flooded with scantily clad women and the publicly visible thong, society has digressed away from the innocent art form of flirting. Instead of gentlemen sending flowers and a brief note to request a moment of time, there is the vulgar and primal discourse found in your average club, what some call ‘meat markets’:
What’s up freak?
WHO are you talking to??
I’m talking to YOU! I’ve got cash money to put on it and I don’t take long (holding up a handful of 100 dollar bills)
Boyyy…you so crazy!!! (smiling) What’s up?
I was fortunate to have been molded in an era of respectful engagement. The best flirters know how to show subtle but sincere interest, while not coming across sleazy or ‘stalker’-ish. Whenever an opportunity presents itself for innuendo, that’s when the best flirts take full advantage. That way, if the flirtee is disgusted or offended by the flirter, there’s always a safe refuge to take cover.
What do you think about you and I doing that 69?
What??!!
69..you know, bullet item #69 that we just went over in the project meeting?
Oh..oh..well, uh..
Are you okay? (smiling innocently) What did you THINK I was talking about?
Nursing Home Flirting
Hey ladies! How are you pretty women doing today??
Oh just fine!
My Frankie Mae, your grandson sure is a HANDSOME devil! If I was just a few years younger..
You’d do what?? You know I can’t handle you right now Ms. Jenkins you’re too wild for me!!
Hmm..you just better watch yourself young fella..cuz I’ll take my dentures out and rock your world.
Thank you for that tidbit Ms. Jenkins..you’ve just caused a plethora of graphic octogenarian sex images to run through my mind and I will never be the same.
Sushi Bar Flirting
What are you getting?
I’m going to have some of the yellow fin tuna and the California roll.
Umm..I LIKE good sussy!
Excuse me?
Good sussy…I like mine nice, fresh and pink..
Don’t you mean, sushi?
Yeah..that too.
Church Flirting
Good morning Sis. Truett..how are YOU doing??
Just fine Rev. Janky..and you?
I’m blessed, I’m blessed..(grabbing both of her hands and looking from her toes up to her eyes while shaking his head slowly and smiling displaying a gold toothed grill) Lawd have mercy! You sure ARE blessed!! I gotta get me one of these good Sunday hugs!
You’re so crazy Rev. Janky. (hugging him)
Uh huh..just make sure you come see me during my office hours this week..I might need to ‘lay hands’ on you…(watching her intently as she walks away) Lawd Lawd Lawd..God is SO good!!
Work Flirting
What’s wrong with the printer?
The ink cartridge needs to be changed out.
Do you know how to do it?
I’m trying to, but it doesn’t seem to go in right.
You’ve got to hold it steady and line it up to the hole, then THRUST it in all the way.
Oooh.
‘Oooh’ what?
I like the way you said that.
Grocery Store Checkout Line Flirting
Is that all of your groceries?
No..that 12 pack of beer is mine too.
(glancing up and smiling, before ringing up the beer) I’m going to have to see some ID
ID? Are you serious? I’m almost old enough to be your daddy!!
Oooh, I need a good daddy.
I personally think flirting can just be a playful and harmless act that brightens the day. But flirting can also take a sour turn, when some people just don’t get the picture and make themselves bothersome by not understanding the word no..
Say baby, hold up!
Yes? May I help you?
Naw, baby, I want to help YOU. Let me pump your gas for you..you’re too cute to be pumping your own gas.
No thank you…I can handle it.
Well let me pay for it, buy you a cool drink, massage your feet..let me do SOMEthing for you!!
No, thank you, I’m okay.
Well look here..let me give you my number. I’m a mechanic and I have my own shop and if you ever..
My husband takes care of our cars.
Oh..well you can give my number to your husband if you want..I do good work. Here’s my card.
Thank you..I’ll give it to my husband.
You don’t HAVE to give it to him though…if you find out there’s some things that he just can’t handle the way you need them to be handled..give me a call.
No..there’s nothing that you and I need to discuss.
You’re just so cold..do you treat all men this way?
Only the ones who can’t understand the word ‘no’.
Once you get married, you can compare ‘flirt’ notes with your spouse. If you know you’ve got a nice looking woman, or a handsome man, its fully understandable that others will notice these same attractive attributes. Unfortunately, all of society doesn’t respect wedding bands and the commitment of holy matrimony. Instead, some people will act like they don’t see the wedding band/ring and put there flirting ‘out there’ just to see if they’ll get a bite. Its even worse for those ‘kinda’ single people who have a boyfriend/girlfriend but no long term commitment, because then the dogs/hoz will REALLY come out…
Can I buy you a drink?
No, no thank you, I already have one.
Well, is it okay if I sit right here next to you?
That’s fine..I don’t own the bar.
Are you waiting for someone?
Yes.
Is it your husband?
My boyfriend.
Boyfriend huh? I know if I was your boyfriend, I wouldn’t let you be alone.
Well, you need to go be with your girlfriend then.
I don’t have one..but I would if I could have one like you.
Don’t you think you’re being kind of rude and disrespectful?
I’m sorry if I’m being rude, I’m just a sucker for a beautiful woman with good conversation. But if you ever want to go out and have nice time..here’s my number. Someone as beautiful as you should never have to be alone.
That’s normally when the ‘line’ is crossed. Harmless flirting is light and immediate, there are no future plans and discussions for the next encounter. Phone numbers or email addresses don’t need to be exchanged, plans to meet again need not be discussed. The sad part is that everyone doesn’t adhere to the ‘rules of flirting’. Some people are in their own world and are completely oblivious to respecting the sanctity of marriage or the word ‘no’. The best advice is not to start something that you can’t finish. A lot of people take smiles and kind words too literally and expect to further the relationship. Others are easily offended and ready to file a sexual harassment suit if a co-worker so much as winks in their direction. In today’s world of zealous litigation and crazy stalkers, it’s best to limit your circle of ‘flirting’ as tightly as possible. Because as harmless and benign the intentions might be, you never know when someone will take it the wrong way.
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