This past weekend, an intimate collection of Stanford Black Alumni gathered in Biloxi, Mississippi to celebrate the wedding nuptials of one of our Bruhs. This was a wonderful opportunity to share the moment as another strong black family was declared before God and man. ‘Til Death Do Us Part’ is a serious covenant that two people vow to uphold while standing up there at the altar. As all married people will be able to confirm, marriage is like Lotto, you have to be IN it to WIN it.
This particular occasion was a bit more sentimental to me, because this was the first time I had assembled with my Stanford family as a group since the funeral of our slain brother Okon. As I was driving to Biloxi, I couldn’t help but remember that the last time I had seen brother Okon, was at the wedding of another one of our Bruhs in Jamaica. Little did I know that that would be my last time seeing Okon alive, so just that experience alone made me realize that we can’t take any day for granted. One day we’re here, and the next day we’re gone bruh…so let’s live life to the fullest while we have time. This whole appreciation of life and love and family is what made the whole weekend a wonderful celebration of another strong black family taking root.
Some guys who have never experienced that wedding day may start feeling the walls cave in on them when they hear people speak of making that commitment..
Married?? Oh HELLLLLL NAW!! I ain’t about to get married to NOBODY!! I’m having FUN!!
I feel ya dog, cuz marriage ain’t for everybody. Some folks will live their entire lives as singles, never marrying, never ‘shacking up’ and never even having a girlfriend or boyfriend. Our societal structure is steadily changing such that more and more people are choosing to live the lives of perpetual bachelors/bachelorettes. Some of these folks just enjoy being by themselves, others refuse to ‘settle’ for just anybody and would prefer to wait until the RIGHT person comes along to marry..no matter how long it takes. Now the gray area comes in when figuring out what ‘right’ is. When pondering this question of marriage, the obvious arises, ‘Why get married??’
When you look back at the Creation, in Genesis, God saw that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, so He made Adam a companion. Companionship thus jumps out as the primary reason to join into this union. Choosing a person to share in your life, to sleep with, to eat with, to live with, to laugh with, to cry with, to love with.
Yeah D..I hear what you’re saying about marriage being good and all, but I’m just not ready to front and act like I’m going to be happy with only one woman for the rest of my life. I can’t roll like that dog..I gotta keep it popping..ya feel me?
Yeah..like most men, I can completely feel that. The commitment aspect of having a lifelong monogamous sexual relationship can be a very intimidating aspect of marriage for all those players out there. As long as a person is living by the flesh and is not in touch with his spiritual side, he will never be able to attain the level of maturity required for a faithful spouse. I’m sure women have to go through this on some level also, you know? Only sleeping with one man for the rest of their lives, but somehow it seems a lot easier for them to handle this prospect. Probably because they’re more spiritual creatures than men. Some guys will even pick up the Bible and point to ‘players’ like King David and King Solomon with all their wives and concubines..
I just ain’t that kinda n’ga that can be happy with one woman mane..I’m like Solomon and David..I like women and all kinds of em..I gotta get my freak on.
I hear ya player..but when you read past all those ‘player’ days of David, you’ll see that those adulterous acts of sin that he committed did not go unpunished. God blessed David such that the Messiah was a descendant of David’s bloodline, but due to David’s sinful acts, David had to face some serious family issues later on in his life. Once a man realizes that God sees EVERYTHING we do (no matter if your gal finds out or not) and in turn, the wages of these sins of the father can be passed on for the children to bear?? It will make a spiritual man pump his brakes and focus on what’s real.
Now for those who don’t believe or even attempt to abide by the Word? I don’t know how they handle this issue of monogamy. Because as much as men may love their wives, there will come a time when their level of commitment will be tested. Just because you get married doesn’t mean other women won’t try to holla atcha and ‘get wit cha’. Some women even make it a point to flirt with married men, just to see where their head is at. And as beautiful and fine as your wife may be, there will be times when something you like shows up. But once you reach the point where you’re committed to maintaining your marriage vows, you become duly committed to upholding all of the requirements of fidelity as directed by this covenant. As long as a man is ruled by his loins, he’ll never be able to reach this point of maturity.
Once Adam and Eve had eaten the forbidden fruit and God cast them out of the Garden of Eden, he gave them an edict which we are bid to follow even today, ‘be fruitful and multiply’. If companionship is the spark for a marital union, the raising of a family together is the kindling wood. When God blesses two people to have a child, or to have children, there is a structure of natural order such that the presence of a father and a mother are required for the complete rearing of a child. Each spouse has their place in line and once two people start lining up towards God’s plan for marriage? That’s when you can REALLY start enjoying your family and your life. Of all the problems we have in our society right now, especially in the black community, poverty, drug abuse, teenage pregnancy, illiteracy, crime..so many of these issues can be traced back to inadequate family structure and support. Absent mommy’s and daddy’s that never showed their children love. Of course, there are millions of people who ‘made it’ without the benefit of a two-parent home, but we must not lose sight of God’s intended structure for the family.