I’m sure all those who’ve read ‘Save The Children’ (7/15) have figured out by now, ‘I LUV da kids’. Not just mine either, I love all children, even the hard heads! Unfortunately, all kids don’t receive the proper love and support that they so direly need. And I’m not talking about the orphans, abused and abducted children, I’m specifically referring to the children who have 2 able bodied, sound minded parents who don’t give the minimal effort of care to their kids. The original title wasn’t ‘Deadbeats’ instead it was ‘Deadbeat Dads’, but the more I reflected on my experiences and knowledge of sorry men with neglected children, the more I realized that although deadbeat dad’s are more popular in conversation, deadbeat mom’s are a reality in the community also.
In today’s world of laboratory conceptions and cloning, I want to make sure to clarify, that I’m focusing on conceptions where two consenting adults willingly ‘get together’ and produce a child. I’ve had friends that met a ‘hottie’ in a club or a ‘cutie’ in a bar and the heat of the moment, combining sexual desires and alcohol, led them to a night of indiscretion. A lot of guys would turn their back on the woman and the baby with a cold heart and a resentful attitude..”Mane..she set me UP!! She was TRYING to get pregnant! I don’t even think its mine! I ain’t claiming NUTHIN” For the sake of time, we’re even going to discount all second guessing, the baby has been born, blood work has been done, the DNA results are in, that’s YOUR biological child mane..anybody that looks at the boy’s eyes or the way the girl smiles already can tell that its yours..now what?
$$$: There are laws written that set minimal financial requirements for parents that don’t have custody of their child. Child support laws are enforced by the Attorney General’s office in each state. Getting the AG-Child Support Division involved is what those on the Southside call, ‘puttin them white folks in ya life.’ If all possible, I honestly believe that two rationale responsible adults should put their personal differences aside and make arrangements to avoid any third party governing of funds. But in the case where you have a baby daddy that’s not fulfilling the most minimal financial support for the child..or a baby mama that’s pocketing all funds meant for the child toward one of her ‘habits’ (whether that be a substance or shopping for shoes) then I definitely recommend eliminating the confusion and second guessing and getting a legal agreement. The problem is, some people don’t abide by the law. Deadbeat dad laws in Texas now make it possible for parents extremely delinquent in their child support to be unable to do necessary things like getting their driver’s license renewed, all the way up to imprisonment. Some guys have so MANY children, that whatever financial support is received each month can barely buy a pair of shoes. Others reach the point of apathy due to unemployment, bad habits, financial hardship, depression, jealous & crazy new wife/gal, etc. that they stop even attempting to provide for the child. “Them white folks just go have to FIND me!” Once again, this is a situation where a person is allowing an outside entity to dictate when, where and how they take care of their own responsibility. You’ve got to handle your business mane. Even if its tight on you financially, do whatever you can, just do SOMEthing. I find it ridiculous to see kids walking around in too tight clothes and worn out shoes heading to school, while their parents are walking around in some FRESH new Prada outfit or some TIGHT new Jordan’s. Financial hardships hit us all, but I think all caring parents should go without for themselves first, before they let their kids suffer.
Time: A lot of people allow their feelings toward their child’s mother/father dictate how they actually treat/love the child. One extreme is completely ignoring the child and the whole situation as if they don’t exist. Others do whatever is minimally required to maintain ‘appearance’, getting the child and spending time with him or her only when they absolutely have to. Some guys act like they’re around their child a lot, when in actuality whenever they do pick the kid up, they drop them off at their mama’s or grandma’s house, while they go off and do their own thing. Some mother’s spend most of their time chasing after their next baby-daddy and never find the time to even sit down and read a book with their child. Of all the deficiencies that so many of our kids have today, I think parental guidance is the most glaring. Because when you don’t take the time to be around your child..eat with them, ride with them, talk to them, play with them, and show them how to be a responsible adult, then this creates a snowball effect of problems. It’s easy to throw the kids in front of Cartoon Network or Play station and let them just be zombied for a couple of hours. But real love is shown with quality time spent with them and it’s an investment that will payback with compounded interest over the years. Young kids are easily fixated with the ‘other’ parent..the ‘weekend’ parent…the one that just swoops in one afternoon and takes them to the movies and buys them what they want, only to bring them right back the next day so that they can go on with their lives. Too often the custodial parent is looked on with derision and resentment because they are the one’s that have to perform the ‘hard’ duties..like discipline and the day to day grind of doing all the things required to take care of a child, the washing and cleaning, cooking, bathing, helping with homework, nursing them when they’re sick, the list is never-ending. One thing I’ve learned though, is that no matter how much kids worship the ground the ‘other’ parent walks on, as they grow older, and really experience life, they’ll be able to look back and really appreciate and KNOW who was really down for them.
Parenting is one of the most difficult things in the world. There are no ‘set’ rules, where some children need a firmer hand of discipline, others just need more hugs and kisses. But the bottom line is that all kids need love and support. We live in a real world that requires money to get things done, so the financial part of parenting IS a necessity. But of an even greater necessity is the quality time spent. I’ve been around millionaire kids who rarely saw their parents as well as kids living in extreme poverty but WITH a loving family..and the ones with the family structure of love are the happiest. Money can lighten a lot of loads, but love is definitely the most required staple for our children.
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