I don’t really remember the exact moment that my eyes were opened, I can’t even tell you the exact day. All I know is that there was a struggle going on inside my heart. My spirit was vexed.
Despite my childhood upbringing, formal education, corporate training and experiences of life, I still felt like I didn’t really know anything. Looking back on it in hindsight, I guess the adjective that could best describe my state of being was that I was thirsty.
And the dryness that was in my throat could not be quenched by water or beer, not any kind of sports drink or juice. I needed something living and real.
So it is at this point that I felt the burning desire to get down on my knees and cry out to my Creator. Despite my avoidance of organized religion, I knew in my heart that God is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek after Him.
I have several family members and friends who have gone (or are going) through this same experience. Some folks turned to yoga, or self improvement books. Others just brush their thirst to the side and pacify themselves with temporal anesthetics like drugs, alcohol, exercising, working until they pass out with exhaustion or sexual pleasures.
I’ve actually tried all of those things too, but whenever that buzz wore off, I still felt unsatisfied.
It’s almost like you find yourself staring out into space pondering the meaning of it all. Why are we here?? What purpose does God have for me?? Does He even care about my life?? Is this all a big joke or what???
So after I had tried almost everything else, I decided to give the Word a try. I had heard so many people talk about it, preach about it, teach about it, testify about it and I made up my mind that I wasn’t going to rely on what somebody else told me, I had to read it for myself, in it’s entirety.
It was a task that took several months, I’d usually start reading at night, after dinner. Some nights I wouldn’t crawl into bed until the wee hours of the morning. I almost felt like a dope fiend, cuz I was hooked.
It was full of intrigue and miracles and amazing displays of the power of God. And by the time I made it to the 55th chapter of Isaiah, I went from being a Bible skeptic, to being a Believer.
“Ho! Everyone who thirst, Come to the waters.” – Is 55:1 NKJV
After I finished reading the Bible that first time, it opened my eyes to God’s plan. It was like a light switch just went on inside my heart and I got it. I would later learn from talking to more mature Believers that I had been convicted by the Holy Spirit.
Imagine that, God could even touch a Hard Head like me!!
Cuz like most hard heads, I never wanted anybody to tell me anything. I always wanted to do, whatever I wanted to do. I didn’t like rules and laws. I often found a thrill out of breaking the law, whether in my parent’s house or the laws of the land.
This conviction was not a finite occurrence. I was not perfected at the moment of my epiphany. I’m still not perfected now, but yet I’m striving to reach that mark.
When I started telling those around me about the Bible and the things I’d learned from it, I started getting some weird reactions. A lot of my friends weren’t trying to hear anything about what thus saith the Lord from me, because they could vividly remember so many of the ways that my life did not line up to the Word.
The next step was when they started witnessing the ways that God had changed my life. When they could see first hand the things that I had turned away from and left behind as I started walking toward the Lord. That’s when they started trying to label me as a Jesus freak or one of those born-again zealots, “You go be a preacher!!”
It was obvious that they hadn’t read the Word for themselves. Because the instructions that are in the Bible for how we are supposed to live our lives and tell others about Christ, isn’t just for pastors, preachers and deacons. The life that Christ calls us to live is supposed to be followed by all who are called by His name.
The problem is that too many people don’t want to drink that whole cup. They want to use Jesus as a genie. Rub on that lamp and get their blessing, maybe put a couple of dollars in the tip jar as they pass the offering basket around, but yet there is no obedience to the Word.
When people attempt to use Christ as a philosophy, instead of a relationship, they’re trying to take the cross out of Christianity. If it wasn’t for the Resurrection, Christ would have been just another philosopher. But instead, His life, death, burial, resurrection and promise to come again transcended all philosophies and religions. Jesus Christ is our Creator that came to this earth in the form of a man. If you don’t believe that, then you’re not a Christian.
Now, the hard part for me, was realizing that everyone isn’t going to believe. Just when I was worried about the non-believing Hindu in India, I realized that we had non-Believing folks who grew up surrounded and immersed in the Word. Pastor’s children and preacher’s sons who deny the Christ.
I believe that it is God’s will that ALL should be saved, but yet, everybody ain’t go accept that cup. And what’s even worse than those that completely deny the Christ, are the ones who want to just take Him in sips, but never embrace Him as Lord of their life. Lukewarm folks ain’t go make it. Either you’re all the way in, or you’re out. Ride or die.
Now the wild part, is that no matter where you are in your faith, there is yet a mark that you have yet to obtain that you have to strive for. Just when I had put all of those blatantly sinful acts aside, like lying, stealing, adultery, drunkenness, and I was almost feeling good about myself. Ready to thump on my chest and declare myself ‘righteous’ God showed me the error of my pride. I have a LOT of other things to work on. He’s not through with me yet.
But as I strive to obtain my crown, I am comforted by the fact that He will never leave me or forsake me, no matter where I may go. Even when my friends stop calling, I know that He is right here with me. In a lot of ways, my journey has been a lot like being the first n’ga to jump into the lake.
Most of my podnaz are still on the shoreline, looking. Some n’gaz take their shoes off and put their feet in, just to feel the water, but yet they’re too scared to make that leap for themselves because they’re so used to walking on land, and they’re afraid of giving the control of their lives over to the Lord. They don’t have the faith that He’ll keep them..yet.
But I know as long as they can see me doing my thang, and enjoying this life that God has blessed me to have, their spirits will be strengthened. And there will come a day where I will hear those big splashes and turn around to see that all my podnaz I used to pull stunts with have jumped into this pool of the living God also. That’s when it’s going to be a party FO REAL.
That’s my prayer for all my homies.
“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.” – Joshua 1:8 NKJV
