Thursday, July 31, 2003

Hard Heads

The presence of the Y chromosome is what genetically differentiates males from females. I’ve heard several different theories and old wives tales on what factors influence determining the sex of a child at conception. “Male sperm are less tolerant to heat than females, throw away those tight fitting briefs, you’ve got to let em hang low if you’re shooting for a boy…You’ve got to do it missionary style to make a boy!..Drink a lot of water!…Drink a lot of beer!” I don’t know about the validity to any of these ‘theories’, but one thing I DO know, is that raising boys is completely different than raising girls.

Society makes a definite distinction between how women are treated and how men are treated. Our job as parents is to prepare our children for their eventual days of being totally independent and able to fend for themselves in this wild world that we’re living in. A world, which will definitely be even wilder by the time, our children reach adulthood. This training process needs to be geared toward children’s individual needs. Some kids NEED extra love and attention, some kids are naturally well mannered and obedient without any correction and then there’s that group that I fell under…hard headed. I don’t know what it is about this ‘trait’..but it definitely seems to be closely associated with the Y chromosome. From my toddler days..all the way up until I started grade school, it was very common for me to ‘catch’ at least 3 whuppings a day. What started out as swats with the hand, graduated to leather belts or the one I dreaded the most..switches.

A lot of people today don’t ‘believe’ in hitting their children. “That’s teaching them that physical force is the way to solve problems and I just don’t believe in that….I was abused as a child and I made a vow that I would never hit my children when I became a parent….All you have to do is REASON with them and explain what it is that they need to correct.” I guess that all sounds good and ‘civil’. but I thank God my parents didn’t adhere to any of these philosophies. Because of all the ways my hard-head steered me to do softened behind was the only thing to bring clarity to my world of delusion.

Didn’t I just TELL you to stop throwing that ball around before you wind up breaking something??
Don’t ‘uhh’ me!! I’m sick and tired of you doing things that you KNOW you’re not supposed to be doing!! And I’m sick and tired of talking…go get the belt!

This immediate feedback of receiving punishment when I perpetrated a crime was a key element for me in learning how to allow reasoning to control my actions rather than impulse. Hard headed boys have a blockage of reasoning..much akin to tunnel vision. If it looks fun and I have the opportunity? I’m going to DO it!! And not only would I DO it, I’d get so absorbed and ‘caught up’ that danger and respect of property became an indistinguishable orb somewhere in the background.

I think this hard headed trait is directly proportional and linked to the presence of the Y chromosome. Because its something about little boys..just the things that they will do..that will make you cock your head to the side like a confused puppy and try to figure out what’s REALLY going on inside their heads because their actions are making NO sense..

Why are you running around here yelling and screaming like its something wrong with you??

Do NOT drink out of the toilet!! I don’t care if the dog does it..YOU don’t do it!

Didn’t you JUST hear what I said??!!

Put some pants on boy!!! Stop running around here naked!!

Where are your shoes??

What happened to your shirt?

What do you mean ‘you don’t know’ how you got that big knot on your forehead??

Have you been EATING this???

People that have them already know, hard-headed boys are WILD!! They require a special kind of attention to be able to grow into loving and responsible men. Some mothers cuddle them too much and turn them into big sissified mama’s boys that aren’t good for anything. Some fathers don’t spend any quality time with or around these boys, thus causing a male role model deficiency.. And worst of the whole bunch are the ones who get NO love and attention at home. Boys that have hours and hours of unsupervised time. Time where they can do whatever they want while their parents are entrenched on the couch for hours watching TV, not even bothering to get up and check in on them from time to time to make sure they’re not getting into something that they’re not supposed to. Cuz remember, hard headed boys are WILD and one of the worst things that can happen is for the ONLY time they can get attention, is for doing something wrong…

Clean that up!!

What the HELL are you doing messing with that ANYWAY??!!

Git your lil nappy headed butt over here..boy, don’t MAKE me come after you!!

Ironically, a lot of these ‘neglected’ boys end up having the same types of issues as the ‘spoiled’ boys. Spoiled boys that get every video game they could think of..every new pair of Jordan’s that comes out…all the latest CD’s, designer clothes..spoiling can get to the point of being considered abusive. Because as much as people love their kids and want to make their lives easier than how THEY grew up..the ultimate goal of parenting is to TRAIN a child in the way that they should go. Kids have gaggles of friends..but only one mother or father. If we just give our kids everything their hearts what point do they learn the work-reward reality? All those ‘baby boys’ out there that think the world is going to treat them like their doting, spoiling mother or grandmother are in for a rude awakening. Because unlike the comforting, soothing feeling of a mother’s lap..the world waits and caters to no man.

I think this problem with boys is showing up like an outbreak, by the vast number of single, intelligent, attractive, hard working women that can’t seem to find a suitable mate. So many guys don’t know or care to learn what it really means to stand up and be a MAN that its ridiculous. From wife beaters, to men afraid of making the commitment of having a family, to those who’s singular drive in life is to play video games and/or memorize every current rap song verbatim..these hard headed boys desperately need positive direction. It’s a lot easier if the discipline process starts the toddler stages. Because parents that take a passive approach to early childhood discipline, wind up having a lot harder job when these hard-headed boys become pre-teens and teenagers.

While being subjected to my parents strict guidelines as a child, I at times felt that they were mean and abusive and for some reason, they just didn’t want me to have ANY fun. But looking back on it now, I thank God for putting two parents (and close relatives) in my life that had no intentions of sparing the rod with me. Without this motivational ‘act right’, I could have easily grown into the type of person that paid no heed to rules or authority. Boys WILL be boys, and do the things that they do. I’m sure both my son and daughter will do things that I don’t approve of as they grow older, but that will be a decision that they make, not because we didn’t teach them what’s right. As parents, proper direction through words, discipline and example is the ultimate love that we can give our kids. And those hard headed boys in particular? They DEFINITELY need all three!! Because it’s a lot easier to discipline them early, than to have to pay for bail money and legal fees later.

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