Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Fingerwaves II

Fingerwaves II - April 21, 2004

Mane..I read that on the DL with Oprah, and now I’ve got my eyes bugged out looking at every n'ga crazy, trying to figure out if they’re punkin on the cool or not. I got sisters and nieces too!!

Yeah..I know what you mean. But as I was writing it, I realized that the problem is a lot bigger than homosexual men in denial, it’s REALLY about anybody who is out there doing thangs they know they’re not supposed to be doing.

That’s true. But it still is messed up that women get the raw end of the stick on THAT one.

Hey, it’s women out there on the DL too, don’t sleep.

So what are you going to follow up that DL stuff with?

I’ve been working on a couple of things, but I think I’m gonna roll Fingerwaves II out there next and see what it do.

Fingerwaves II?? What about Fingerwaves I??

You didn’t read it? I posted it back when I was on blogspot this past summer.

Naww, I must’ve missed that one, what was it about, the barbershop or something??

Naw, it was about prostate exams.

Prostate exams?? You mean that ol ‘bend over, finger in the butt’??


(smiling) You’re a crazy n’ga mane!!


First you put that punk sh’t out there, now you’re going to slide some rectal exams into the mix?? That's kinda 'out there' mane!!

It is?? Really?? Hmm..well, I just figured that a lot of straight guys would have a homophobic reaction to the whole DL thing like I did. Hopefully Fingerwaves II will remind them about getting their prostate checked regularly and give a lot of men a better understanding of how their body works.

Better understand their bodies?? What the hell does THAT mean??

There's a lot of guys who are so homophobic and retentive, that they refuse to believe that a 'straight' man can be physically stimulated by invasive anal procedures.
Holeup now D!!!?? "Invasive anal stimulation'?? That sounds GAY to me!!!

Have you ever seen that movie Road Trip? it a gay movie??

No, it’s about these college guys in New York that have to make a road trip all the way to Texas. Well, in one of their escapades, they have to stop off at a sperm donor clinic to earn money.

Okay, that sounds non-gay…..

One of the dudes was a real smart az, and he told the attending nurse, who was this cute blonde, that he was going to need some help with ‘stimulation’. She took him into a room and made him bend over and she proceeded to milk his prostate.

Wait..what do you mean, ‘milk’ his prostate??

She massaged his prostate with her fingers and it caused him to orgasm and ejaculate. she gave him a hand job??

No..she manually milks his prostate.

Huh?? Milks?? Like a cow?? I don’t get it.

Well after you read Fingerwaves II, you will…

Soon after I published the original Fingerwaves on, I received a lot of feedback from men, stating that they could ‘feel me’. African-American men have a 60% higher incidence rate and more than double the mortality rate than our white counterparts for prostate cancer. While diet and lifestyle are certainly functions of this disparity, the overwhelming medical consensus is that black men are less likely to have their prostate checked on a regular basis. Beyond the standard disparities in medical healthcare that black men live with, the underlying engine which fuels the high incidence rates in black men, is their unwillingness to get checked. There are a LOT of men who feel extremely uncomfortable and degraded by having to go through a DRE (digital rectal exam). Whether it’s a form of homophobia or just anal-phobia, most black men aren’t trying to go there…

Un-uhhh…nawww podna, my az says ‘Exit Only’ Ain’t NOBODY sticking NOTHING up my behind!!

I would have been the first one in that anal-phobic line leading the charge, but after I read and learned how prostate cancer is one of the leading killers of black men in America and that I had male relatives who suffered from this form of cancer, I knew that I had to get past my anal hang-ups and make sure I’m tested regularly. The good thing about having hang-ups, is that once you share them with others, there’s somewhat of a support group that forms with people with the same or similar hang-ups. I was at my parent’s house visiting with my father a few weeks after I posted Fingerwaves and one of my cousins was over there too. Since my father and I enjoy a close relationship with each other, our conversation often gets a bit more real than a lot of people are ready for…

You know Dad, it seems there’s a LOT of men who have a reluctance to go get that fingerwave.

I can imagine. I already told my doctor he had to take it easy on me, cuz it’s hard for me to pass gas sometimes. I sure didn’t want that finger!! (laughing)

Well, fortunately I only need to get checked every 5 years until I’m 40, then since I’m in a high risk group (black + family history of prostate cancer), I’m supposed to get it checked once a year.

Did they give you a towel when they checked yours?

A towel??

Yeah..sometimes they’ll give you a towel or something if they’re going to milk your prostate.

All the while that my father and I were talking, my cousin was sitting in the room silently, but after my dad dropped that ‘milking’ bomb, he could be silent no longer.

Hold UP Uncle David!!! What do you mean by ‘milking’??

Your urethra is like a tube that runs through your prostate gland. And when a male ejaculates, the prostate gland is what mixes the seminal fluid with the sperm from the testicles. So when you get your prostate checked and they manually massage it, a common reaction is ejaculation.

My cousin sat there with his mouth open looking dumbfounded. I had already read about this physical phenomena, so I wasn’t tripping. Finally, my cousin went ahead and came all the way clean with what was bothering him…

Mann, I had to get my prostate checked and obviously the doctor ‘milked’ mine too. But he didn’t give me a towel or tell me anything about that, so after it happened, I went home and stared into space for a couple of days.

I couldn’t help it, I had to bust out laughing..

Stared into space??? You couldn’t figure out what was going on huh??? (laughing)

Man, all I knew was that a man had put his finger in my behind and I ejaculated. I knew I wasn’t gay, but I just couldn’t figure that one out.

My father and I both were almost on the floor rolling laughing. My cousin didn’t care that we were laughing either, he was just relieved to hear that there was a physiological reason why his body had responded the way it did. I’m sure most men’s reluctance for anal exams has a large part to do with homophobia. Going ‘anal’ is something reserved for homosexuals, it’s not something that straight men are supposed to get satisfaction from, right?

Upon closer inspection of the male body, the physical fact is that the rectum offers the easiest access to the prostate gland. And once this gland is manually massaged, it will be ‘jump started’ so to speak, into doing what it does, and that’s secreting seminal fluid. It wasn’t too long after that that I was talking to one of my golf podnas and he had a story even wilder than that…

Yo D. Earllll!! What’s up n’ga!!

Heyy Hawk-daddy, what it do baby??

Mann, that Fingerwaves was off the chain!! You had me ROLLING laughing with that one.

Oh yeah?

I got one even better than that for ya..

Aiight, go ahead and run it to me.

My dad had to go in and get his checked not too long ago. So before he went, the first thing he did was go through the medical directory and pick out a doctor. The first thing he did was find a doctor with an Asian name.


Yeah..he figured that they would have the smallest fingers!! (laughing)

Oh!! (laughing) That’s pretty smart.

Holdup, I ain’t told you all of it yet, so he goes to the exam and he tells the doctor to ‘be gentle’ with him. So he’s lying on the table on his side and the doctor inserts his finger and starts checking him out.

Milked him down huh?

N’ the time it was over and the doctor told him he could wipe up and get dressed, my dad said he wanted to turn around a KISS the man!! (laughing)

Of course, only men that are confident in their sexuality can laugh and joke about sensitive matters such as these. Raging homophobes or men who are still a bit confused about their sexual preference (usually one and the same) are reluctant to go there. The reality is that prostate cancer is still one of the leading causes of death for black men and unless a stronger effort is made for awareness and medical detection, these numbers will steadily increase and black men will continue to die at disproportionate levels. If detected early, the long-term prognosis for prostate cancer survival is at a all time high and steadily rising. But the truth is that doctors and medicine won’t be able to do a thing for you if you don’t go in and get it CHECKED! Don’t be might even happen upon a nice Asian doctor, you never know!! :)