David Washington at Niagra Falls
It’s funny how everybody’s personality comes out in the messages that they have on their answering machines/voice mail:
We’re not home right now, please leave a message (beep).
Yo..I ain’t in..holla! (beep)
(slow music playing in the background) Well hellooo…mmmm…I’m not able to come to the phone right now..ahhh…but if you leave me a message…I don’t know WHAT I might do!! Ohhhh…yeahhh..DO IT!! (beep)
Hello, you’ve reached the desk of Reginald Tezeno at Flowpipe Inc., Today is Thursday, August 28 and I am either on the phone or temporarily away from my desk. Please leave me a message and I will return your call as soon as possible. Thank you and have a great day! (beep)
Peace and Blessings in the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ..Who was crucified on the cross at Calvary, and was resurrected in the body and spirit on the 3rd day so that each and every one of us might have an opportunity to attain the gift of everlasting life. Please leave a message and I will be sure to pray that God blesses you on your journey through this valley of darkness (beep)
You already know! (beep)
My first answering machine (and first phone line) was in my freshman year at Stanford. All freshman are required to live on campus and have at least one roommate (Branner sucks!). My freshman roommate and I shared one phone line. I don’t know what it was, maybe it was my shock at my first Stanford tuition bill or being away from my family and friends..but I was a bit dazed and confused for a minute..
You’ve reached David and Phil..please leave a message so that I don’t feel like I wasted my money on this d’mn machine.(beep)
It stayed on the machine for about a week until my dad happened to call and leave a message one day.
Uhh..David?! I don’t know what the hell is going on out there, but YOU didn’t pay for that machine, I did, and you don’t need to be putting all them nasty messages on there like that!! Call me back..boy!! Bye. (click)
Of course, after I got my father’s message (which happened to amuse my roommate IMMENSELY) we changed the greeting.
Hi this is Phil, David and I are not in right now, so please leave a message. (beep)
My personal favorite as far as lyrics, style and content was one of my sophomore, Griffin 208 brother’s greeting:
(Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock‘s ‘It takes 2 to make a thing go right’ is playing in the background) I’m not in right now, its Ronnie and I went down town! I’m not internationally known, but I’m known to not be at home, cuz I get busy I mean outrageous please leave a message it will get contagious, cuz I‘m a winner no not a loser to be an MC is what I choose-the ladies love me girls adore me, I mean even the ones that never saw me, so? Let’s go!.. Leave a message…WOO! Yeah! (beep)
And then there are the messages that I receive..
Hey lil brother..its your sister. I never knew you were this serious about writing!??! Oh well, with all the love and support that you have behind you, if anybody can pull it off I KNOW you can...do that d’mn thang!! Bye! (beep)
Hi..this message is for David Earl Washington, II..please call Capidol Two Bank..concerning your Minorcard account. My name is Janice and I can be reached at 1-888-777-9311 ext 666 between the hours of 10am and 9pm eastern. Please give me a call on this matter as soon as possible (beep)
What’s up Dave? Its Hawk! Louie told me how he spanked your az out there at Hermann Park last Friday and took all your money. Give me a call whenever you go play again, cuz I want to get some of that booty too!! Serve em on up n’ga!!! (beep)
Hi David this is Morty at the office, Brett from Professional Waterworks called and they were asking for a change order for that lift station for the County M.U.D. #73 project. They want to change from 480 volt 3phase to 230 single phase and they need pricing and leadtime. Give me a call back here at the office and let me know what to tell him. (beep)
Hi David this is Dr.Xanex, all of your test results are fine, I was just calling to check and see how your new prescription is coming along and if you needed some more. Call me back when you get this message. (beep)
Yeahhhh nuggahhhhh!!! NFL football kicks off in 7 days and I’m READDY!!! We’re all going to watch the games, drink brews and play dominoes at Willie & Kinfolk’s house…scoop me up on your way out there..gas is high mane! (beep)
What’s up Dave, its LaGette..D’mn mane!! I always knew you were funny when we were growing up..but this servinemup is on a whole different level!! I can’t wait to read the 1st book!! Holla back at me! (beep)
Hey David..its twin! You constantly amaze me by how some one can blend intelligence with the realness of the hood. I can see God working through you in your work. Keep representing Sugarvalley!! Bye! (beep)
David Earlllll!!!?? What’s up mane..its Joe and Nate..(welll!!)..we read your site and I passed it along to all the people in my address list. You funny mane! Holla back at us, we’re trying to put this blockbuster trade together…break him off one Nate..(Hello-GOODBYE!!) (beep)
What’s up Skull? It’s Omar..I got your message. Just get with me so we can get together and figure out what you want to do with your website and what resources you need. Holla bruh! (beep)
Wassup cousin??!!..its Fred, I read that Fingerwaves on your site…man, I was ROLLING on the floor laughing!! Anybody that’s had that done can FEEL that one! Hollaback! (beep)
Wassup Dave its Ty..I just got back in from Japan and I’m back in Brooklyn.. I got the email you sent with the link to your site..I just glanced through some of it, I didn’t have time to read it thoroughly yet, but I will. N’ga, you better make sure you don’t say the wrong thing to piss off the wrong person, you know how CRAZY you are!! Hollaback. (beep)
Wassup Super Dave? its ZB. Fati and I read your site bruh..good job! Where do you find the time to do all of this?? I’ll be in Charlotte for awhile, but I’ll call you so that we can hook up if I come to H-town next weekend. Holla back at me big daddy! Peace! (beep)
Dauda! What up boy??!! This is Kabiru..your sh’t is funny as HELL!! It’s kinda like some n’ga Wonder Years!! Holla at me if you and Tracy are rolling through the Chi this fall..boop-BOOP! (beep)
What up Dave?..its Cazale..I checked out your site, nice dialogue bruh. You need to include something with some Jewish lingo..cuz I’m running into a lot of those guys on the upper levels of business here in Atlanta and I don’t know their jargon. Holla..boop-BOOP! (beep)
Hey David, its’ Lisa..I just got back from Australia and I got the link to your website…OHMYGOD!!It is SOO cool!!! You know I’m Jewish and I STILL think its entertaining!! Call me when you get a chance, I want to tell you about my trip!! Bye! (beep)
D…what’s up dog? This Teddy…mane, that servinemup stuff…you ON to something right there mane..cuz I don’t even like to READ and I sat there and read some of your stuff. Its good mane..you need to holla at me, we can do that thang we was talking about with the county jail system, I know EVERYBODY up in that mug..we can sell them hoz and hit a lick FO-REAL!! (beep)
Hi David, its Tim..I read that ‘Hittin Licks’ you put out there, I guess white guys from Boston in their 40’s can’t understand all of it, but now I know what’s been happening to all my 100 dollar bills whenever I go out drinking with you at Woodrows!! Call me back..let’s get together and go play some golf! (beep)
Hi David..its Erika, I was just letting you know that our high school class is going to the Booker T. vs Yates football game in September for one of our 15 year reunion events. Make sure you tell all the ‘fellas’. I got the link to your site..I don’t get it? Are these supposed to be short stories or what?? Anyway..make sure ya’ll come to the game. Bye. (beep)
What’s up bruh? Its Pick..me and Amb checked out your site. Its real cool man..but you know I always thought you could write ever since I read that paper you wrote in Freshman English about Richard Pryor. Keep up the good work! Peace! (beep)
Hey nephew its your auntie, we checked out your site and we think you’re doing a great job. You always were so smart. Your uncle wants to know how come you mentioned every name in the world except the Curley’s?? We’ll talk to you later..(beep)
Heyy Daddy Dave! It’s Nana and Auntie Tanya in New Jersey. We were just calling to tell you that we LOVE Servinemup!! Daddy Dave is a writer..who knew??!! (beep)
Servinemup is in its 4th week of being ‘semi-public’ and the roster of site hits is growing everyday. Thanks to all the people who are passing the site along to others..this grass-roots marketing is turning out alright! What started out as an invitation to all of my close family and friends is now over 500 hits a week and growing. Due to my ‘intimate’ way of writing, I know some are worried that their words or past episodes with me will end up in public view. I would just like to assure everyone that although personal experiences ARE an integral part of the writing process, I’m not THAT crazy to put other people’s business out there like that. Today’s post is as far as I’ll ever put people ‘out there’. Ya’ll keep riding with me baby, this is just the beginning…(beep).
